I been trying to unmask myself it’s very hard almost as if the fear of being judge is the lock, I don’t know why I feel this way it has become almost automatic at this point, and when my mask accidentally falls for a brief moment I feel judged.
Do you know God created you to be uniquely you! The “judgement” may be preconceived & inaccurate honestly so why not just go for it?! I believe that anything worth having is worst fighting for and why not be who you truly are meant to be. Unapologetically? Have you read the book “unfuxk yourself?”
That fear may stem from your childhood, or perhaps some type of trauma. I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until I was an adult; however, there is no doubt I had the condition as a child. My brother was the “Golden Child.” He was driven and focused. But I was the chatty, flighty one, that couldn’t keep curfew. Every time I screwed up, I faced old-school discipline, followed by 3 days of the silent treatment from my Mom. I felt like an unlovable failure—all the time. I’m not sure how old I was when I started masking, but with it, I experienced success at school and on the job. But geez…is it ever exhausting!!! There ain’t no tired, like an ADHD tired. It truly is an exhausting aspect of an ADHDer’s life. I started therapy about 3 months ago and have a colleague with ADHD that I confide in. In the past, I was an open-book that shared my struggles with everyone. The trouble with that is unless the person I’m sharing with has the condition, they just don’t understand. As a result, not only do I fear being judged, I am being judged.
I agree with DaBadLlama, masking becomes like your whole personality to a certain extent. When I unmask I feel a lot more imposter syndrome, but I also feel like my friendships and relationships have grown deeper than ever. Finding those you trust to unmask around first can be so freeing
It's hard when you have been masking for so long because you can feel like the mask is now you so anything outside of that is change and uncomfortable. Maybe trying unmasking onky around your closest friends at first who understand. Potentially may help. It helped me but everyone is different.
