Yesterday I couldn’t find my adderall extended release in time to take it, so I went without. And I felt so incredibly tired. I couldn’t figure out why I was just sleeping all morning, until it was almost ten and I hadn’t showered yet. My medicine! I knew at 10:30 I had the reprieve of the quick release adderall I’d be able to take then. But it wasn’t enough. I couldn’t pull my head out my @$$ yesterday. And it made me realize some things. One, I knew how my daughter felt in high school when she struggled to remember her pills and then she couldn’t function. I am SO SAD to say I didn’t understand her or the medication then, and she was only on Strattera! So I assumed she was just overly exaggerating as teenagers tend to do when they don’t want to do something. But I understand now how she felt. It REALLY does just drain you when you miss one day! Then I have been feeling for awhile like my medicine hasn’t been helping me. Like it’s making some of my symptoms worst. And I will say that yesterday morning I DID feel the desire to want to eat. Which to make me realize I definitely cannot go without adderall! I cannot go back to eating like I did! And second that once I DID end up eating, I DID actually feel the sensation of full when I didn’t have the extended release in my system. When I do take those and the quick release I don’t feel the feeling of full. And so I’ll just eat! And I’ll eat! And I’ll eat! And it’s caused me to put on 20 pounds that I’d taken off. Along with having my thyroid off. But it just made me realize what I’ve been wondering, is this medicine helping me, or hurting me. I have a psychology appointment coming up soon, and now I have some facts I can share with the temporary psychologist about what the medicine is doing vs not. But I just want to feel like I can wake up and function. I feel like I have been in such a paralysis for the last year. I feel like I can’t do very much during the day. And it sucks because if I don’t have medicine like adderall all my impulsive behaviors will just get all amped up again. But it’s affecting other parts of me and my personality. Medicine really can be so wonderful, and so miserable. Is anyone else struggling with their medicine like this? Wishing for some level of what “normalcy” must look like. I often wonder what five minutes feels like for someone without adhd. Because for me, it can feel like a second!